Hippopotomonstro... WHA???

I learned a new word today. C-A-L-U-M-N-I-O-U-S. It means that a statement is "harmful and often untrue; tending to discredit or malign."

Some of the synonyms listed (dictionary.die.net) are equally yummy words: denigrating; libellous; inflammatory...

So now I can say, with a straight face: "She refused to refrain from uttering calumnious statements about my character." I'll let the four syllables roll smoothly off my tongue and watch my listeners wildly rack their brains before blurting, "Calumni-WHO?"

I've long had a love affair with words. I think it was bequeathed to me by my Dad, who would pop little treasures like "circumnavigate" and "transitory". I'd look on him questioningly, only to have him haul out the two massive tomes - Volumes I and II - of his ancient dictionary. "Look it up," he'd command me with a pseudo-stern tone and a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

So now I collect words. Calumnious. Perspicacious (discerning). Obfuscate (to bewilder... as in, "Nicky's pronouncements frequently leave her friends obfuscated.")

I also collect mixed metaphors. ALL my friends mix their metaphors, or just destroy them completely. Some of my favourite gems:

• "My life isn't constant - it just ebbs and bows."
• "You've GOT to get your act together, Nicky! It's time to put your head to the wheel!"
• "That cricket match was suspenseful... It had me on the edge of my feet..."
• "Talk is one thing... but when the rubber hits the tracks..."
  

I spend lots of time thinking about the strange-isms of the English language. For instance, why are the following words SPELLED the same way, but PRONOUNCED differently?

• Rough
• Cough
• Through
• Bough
• Tough

And, how about opposites? What's the opposite of INEPT? Is it EPT? Or APT? And, if it's APT - why???

Everybody talks about "illicit relationships". Have you ever heard anyone say that their relationship was "perfectly licit"? I hear the word actually exists - I've seen it in the dictionary - but who says "licit"? Maybe I will begin. Tomorrow.

I never say my favourite word, though. Simply because... I can't. But I absolutely LOVE this word:

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

Look it up. Very useful piece of vocabulary. It means... drum roll please...

Fear of long words.